Love’s Rebirth

He looked on sadly, tears brimming.

How could he still love her so?

She sat at the window, back facing him, even she couldn’t look.

“I want to be free, please let me go.”

He sighed so deeply the room felt his sadness. The walls seem to move closer together making him feel choked. Tears flowed forming a confluence at his chin and dripping on his chest

“Where have I gone wrong? I need to know baby.” He choked on his words

“It’s not about you, I’m just not feeling US anymore”

“Can we work whatever it is out, please?”he asked moving furtively towards her.

He tried to say more but he felt a knotting in his chest then his breath became short.

“I don’t think so… please don’t make this harder…”she said still with her back to him.

He landed with a thud, the rest of the words faded, his sight blurred…

************

Blinking, his head fell sideways, he saw her tear-stained face, worn and drawn. How long had he been gone for? He wondered as fragment of the scene came to him.

His tongue was too heavy for words, she suddenly felt his half opened eyes on her.

She jumped up, whispering a kind of thanks, wiping his face, there were tears. More tears, no words…

Eyes locked. Each knew this was another beginning, a new lease. Love’s rebirth.

Adieu Tosyn Bucknor

This morning I heard T-buck died. I almost choked on my food. I usually don’t react this way when someone dies. I just close my eyes and thank God for life.

But T-buck’s death came as a shock. I don’t even know her, but I know her voice. I know that voice which lifts me every morning. It only shouts Area! and my mood is lifted immediately. Those days I don’t wanna go to work but will want to drive to work because she’s gonna be on the MIC.

Lately, I read up on her sickle cell journey and was surprised she was SS. I marveled at her energy and it strengthened my resolve to be who I wanna no matter the condition.

I even tell my friend who has two sickle cell kids that they’ll survive, just look at Tosyn. But, alas, she’s gone. The voice, never to be heard again. No one can rock the cute baby voice like T-buck…

She spread so much happiness that I want to believe she was really happy too. Her laughter is so contagious, it reverberates in my mind the whole day!

I don’t know what her last battle was, but I know T-buck was the strongest, happiest and fun OAP I know…

Good night Tosin. I’ll miss you so much.

Life scores

My grandma once told me a story about her tattoo gone wrong experience. See, my grandma’s mother died when she was 3. She delivered twin girls on her own with no help from her co wives and thus, died because she had lost all energy. My grandma told me she sat by her side while she breathe her last.

Fast forward to her teenage years. She was moulded like a fulani and was the toast of young men in her village. She would mock them while strutting about in her well worn wrapper. Her friend advised her, ” Ayoka, you know you would be more beautiful with the latest tattoo design on your back.” Although, my ma had seen the tattoo, a popular yoruba adage always came to mind when she tried to attempt it- eni o ni’ya kii d’egbo eyin” which means one who has no mother mustn’t get a back bruise.

Her friend coaxed her into having the tattoo done on her back and most part of her body promising her that she would assist in the healing process.

She had it done amidst shrieks and ouches. Lol!

When she got home her father took one look at her and said, “Ayoka, o ti lo d’egbo eyin. Oku eni ma ba e wo tio fi jina.”

She was told it would heal up in a week a two depending on her skin type.

Alas the wounds abcessed and had pus. She was in a lot of pain and as her hands couldn’t reach her back, she couldn’t clean or apply any medication!

Of course her friend had gone MIA! Oh! You thought some people would always be there? Pshhht!

She bore the pain alone and her caring father helped her one time he was home. You’d ask, what about the step moms? Read again…

She bore the pain and came over it. She told me that that period was the first time she actually wept because she didn’t have a mom. I wept too.

She said she learnt;

A. Never take advice from someone who hasn’t been in the said situation.

B. When you mess up, clean up your mess. Don’t wait for anyone to pick you up

C. When life deals you a disadvantage work through it as if you were advantaged, then people would think you’re really great then you become great.

Not having a mom was actually an advantage in disguise for her. She single handedly raised four children, one of whom is my own mother, the great one, I call her in my mind. My grandmother’s resilience rubbed off on my mom, her siblings and all of us who were privileged to have come through her.

Scary Moment

Once I had to go out and my husband was on one of his long trips. We had just moved to a new house. The neighbourhood was really quiet and for hours in a day you wouldn’t see anyone pass by. And to top it, there were only five houses with people in it on my street.

So, I had to go out and I had arranged with my neighbour Iya Oyunbo to have my kids over at her place till I came back.

I went and was on pins and needles till i returned, constantly calling Iya oyinbo for updates. I could sense the irritation in her voice but I couldn’t blame her o. Crazy mom, extra hyper kids and her four kids could drive one over a cliff!

So, I got back and she says, “Hajia, una get fence and gate nau, you fit put your pikin dem for house give dem phone and warn dem make dey nor open door. Me sef go follow watch dem.” I thanked her profusely and handed her kids what I had brought.

Then the day came to take my neighbour’s advice. I had been prepping my kids for like a week and on that day I tried to child proof the house best as I could and then I talked to them once again.

As I was speaking, my littlest one burst in tears and bawled so loud my heart couldn’t take it. So, I packed the lunch I had made and into the van we went. As I drove past my neighbour’s, I told her I wouldn’t be leaving the kids. Her face was like “why na?”๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

So we rolled together, couldn’t stop shouting and threatening though but they were with me.

We got home at around 8pm and as my elder daughter got down and unlocked the gate she ran back and said, “Mom, someone has opened our door!” I froze at the steering wheel and for a brief moment my feet became numb.

I jumped down and ran into the compound after I had secured the kids in the van. I moved carefully towards the house. Everywhere was dark as there was no power. I used my phone’s torch to look around the compound then with my heart in my mouth i proceeded into the house.

Our TV was gone, the whole house was upside down. I went out to bring the van in and then switched on the generating set. I sat down and the first thing that came to mind which scared me shitless was, what if they had come when the kids were home alone? My brain throbbed, my heart wouldn’t stop pounding. I huddled on the easy couch with all of them hugging me tight. We all cried but for different reasons.

I called my neighbours to come and see what happened and they were quite shocked.

Iya Oyinbo was stupefied. She who had told me to leave the kids at home. A kind of apology/shock was written on her face.

I haven’t stopped thinking about that incident. The burglars came again but when I showed th ghetto side of me to the people I suspected, I haven’t been burgled since. Although, lately I leave them home when I have to go to the market or attend meetings close by. I leave a phone so I can call to know they’re fine. But that one time, was very scary.

Introduction

On here, I’ll be sharing snippets of a life I tag full of insights from my life while growing up as everything I am today. Those things that shape my thoughts, words and actions. Those people who inspired and inspire me still.

Most of who I am I owe to the women in my life and some men. I got push to do this from a long time girlfriend who after ages still thinks I’m worth reading. I won’t let you down babes๐Ÿ˜‰.

And the creative who always has my back. Who tells me I can be who I wanna be. Just write he’d say. And I’m writing.

I write anything that appeals to me. I feel safe when I write my heart out. So we’ll be reading a lot of everything.

At this point in my life, I guess I am not afraid to write anything. But be sure I’m not foul nor surly๐Ÿ˜‚

My rocks are not so on now…

Welcome to my space๐Ÿ˜Ž

E kaabo!

Bien venue!

Mo kom o!๐Ÿ˜†